FOOD FIGHT

Location: Herscher, Illinois USA

OK, this is the deal. The last day of school before Christmas vacation, the day the kids get out early anyway, my lad and his buds got in a food fight in the cafeteria at lunch. NOW, keep in mind, as I was later told by Mr Wakey, the Vice-Principal and Athletic Director of many years, when he called me at work to tell me about it, that himself and the Principal Mr Oloffson had heard rumors, so were both in the room at the time. There were about 20 involved - mostly the lads friends who attend the Career Center (he takes Collison repair). Not only that, but I was told me lad even bought extra mashed potatoes at lunch for the occassion. So, premeditated. This man was so disgusted that he was at a loss for words. Me? I was too, plus I could do nothing but, cry and apologize for me sons ignoranace and total lack of respect. Now I am afraid he will be suspended from school before he can even return when classes resume on January 7th.

I told Harry that in 10 years we would probably laugh about this but, unfortunately there are just too many other incidents already this year. He was kicked off the career center bus for throwing a bottle out the window, then he was kicked off for throwing something in the direction of another kid, then he was kicked out of class for tossing a rubber piece around with another kid that hit a girl near her eye (she was OK and it was the other kids toss that did it but, STILL), then he was kicked off the bus for taking a stupid dare (this one is too humiliating to elaborate on).
Several times he has been written up by class teachers because of behaviors that disturb the class. All this in addition to now getting a F in English (HOW do you fail the fecking language you speak?!) and D's in the other classes. I called his guidance counselor, I have been with him in Mr Wakeys office, I have called his Career Center teacher and Administrator. This with several e-mails to them and parent-teacher conferences with all his teachers. UGH! What is a Mother to do? I am at wits end! I have even called a counselor that he met with last year. He will go once a week but, I can't start that for another 2 weeks yet. If he fails English he fails high school. I am lost my friends. I have tried all I can think of but, my heart is broken and I am truly disgusted, distraught, discouraged, and depressed about this lad. My concentration fails me at work for racking my brains for more ideas. This is unfair to my employeer and co-workers. How can I help him? I even thought focus on something he enjoyed would work. First, he was in football (which he loves but, did not go at all well), now he is in wrestling but, cannot even practice with the team because of the food fight. They will meet on January 7th, after reviewing film (THAT'S RIGHT - It was caught on film -!) and will then decide what to do.

He turns 18 in July and I told him that no way would I tolerate such behavior from someone who lived under my roof after he was legally responsible for himself. He thinks of it 'just as a food fight' and admits it was fun at the time. He fails to see what consequences await him, as a result. Something I have preached all his years - you play - you pay.

We have all talked about possible military training when he (IF he) graduates. I am so torn. He is such a follower that any dare or temptation will send him in a way that he will never recover from, especially emotionally as despite it all and many have said, he is a very sensitive kid and has a good heart.

He has expressed interest in culinary school but, am I supposed to take that seriously when he cannot even do justice to high school classes. I have not the money for such training. It seems he would be interested for a short time then sluff it off as he has with so much other.

He was diagnosed with ADHD when 6 and was on meds until 2 years ago. I removed him from them because I felt it best to teach him the triggers for such behavior and help him learn how to combat them, since there is no doubt in my mind that he would in no way go to a Dr 4 times a year for an evaluation, call the Dr each month for the RX, then go pick it up and pay to have it filled, let a lone take a pill or two each day, when he is on his own.

I feel with all I have done or tried to do, I have failed him. I wanted so much more for the lad. He is my heart but, it now is broken.

Perhaps I should just let him fail school but, if I lose hope in him, who will have it? Certainly not himself. I have always been his support beam and know not how to be otherwise, yet with all my love and support he fails, especially himself.

So, if anyone has any suggestions, please do not be afraid to step right up. It is quite obvious I have not found the one key that would help this lad. I still believe it will just take that right person or thing and it will 'click' for him. I have tried so many things through the years, boy scouts, sports, choir, music, friends, family, church camp, a stable father figure, vacations, strong discipline when necessary, and yet - to no avail.

The kids really doesn't have much. No car, even his permit has expired. No cell phone. The computer is available to him only if I allow him on and that may amount to twice a week. We just got him a small MP3 player for Christmas. He does have an old playstation 1 system with a couple games. He does have his guitar which he likes to play. He is grounded and cannot go anywhere with his friends, so while off for holiday break is pretty much stuck at home unless we go somewhere, as we will not leave him alone. I have even removed his bedroom door several times until he proved trustworthy.

HELP! I need help to help me lad, he is worth the effort and I love him dearly.

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FOOD FIGHT